Paperwork
by Copper Rain
Summary: Harry is on vacation, until she gets a new job from her boss. Fem! Harry, Rated T for [slight] language and paranoia


**A/N Thanks to Key_of_Nostalgia for proofreading this! This is a slight, slight AU, because Harry (who is, for no real reason, a girl) keeps the Deathly Hallows instead of disposing of them. Oh, and Hel is the Norse God of the Underworld, so I thought that was close enough to death to work for this. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

The team was exhausted, to say the least; even Tony wasn't cracking jokes. Even so, sometimes the universe just decides to screw you over some more by directing a single person to you that can easily make your already horrible day even worse. That person, for the Avengers, was a demonic, tomato faced, furious, power-radiating...

...19-year old girl?

The girl in question had emerald green eyes, raven black hair that fell just below her shoulders, and was wearing what looked like a worn out pair of jeans along with a tee shirt saying "GRYFFINDOR" in big letters. And the most important fact was, she had just taken a _very_ deep breath.

And everyone knows deep breaths can only lead to one thing.

Yelling.

And lots of it.

Luckily, the ragtag team of heroes recognized this, and braced themselves for the worst.

"THIS is where you were?!And _what in your bloody mind_ would make you do that!? You could've been killed! AGAIN! I don't think you realize how much pain you've caused me. First, you go on-"

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your point of view), she was cut off as Steve Rogers, commonly known as Captain America, interrupted her, trying to regain control of the situation.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but we don't know you... Right?" Everyone (except the furious person who had been at the start of a rant) nodded in agreement. "So, if you could just tell us who you are looking for, we'd be happy to help you, but until then, please refrain from screaming. It's not helping anyone."

If anything, it was (surprisingly) the very first comment just made the Gryffindor go stiff with anger.

"... You don't know who I am?" She asked in a deadly calm voice, extremely different from before. "Of course you don't. Of COURSE you don't because my boss is an incompetent, egotistical, self-promoting... " Her voice trailed off into incoherent mumbles until it rose quickly.

"I am Harry Potter. I've helped keep a priceless and powerful artifact from getting stolen, killed a 1,000 year old basilisk, helped an escaped convict, a mass murderer no less, who just happened to be my godfather hide from the law, competed in a deadly tournament and won against all odds, broke into a government to rescue the mass murderer and ended up destroying countless - and important- glass orbs in the process while it ended up all being a trap and said godfather _did _end up dying, help start a school wide uprising against the teachers who just so happened to be from the ministry, dropped out of school to go on a wild goose chase to destroy some screwed up voodoo items, and killed the megalomaniac of a terrorist Lord "I-don't-have-a-nose" Moldyshorts who had been trying to kill me since before I was born. Harassment much? Most effing importantly, I am the owner of all three Deathly Hallows. The so-called Master. Now that you know my back story, so, in other words, _who I am_, you will listen to me _very _closely because I am _obviously _a very powerful and important person." She spoke the last line as if talking to a five year old. "You dunderheads have killed my free time, and I intend to reclaim it, whether it's the last thing you, or I, do. Now, you are going to take this very large stack of papers that my bugger of a boss forgot to warn you about and fill it out. Immediately. _All of you," _Harry added in a harsh undertone as Tony started to move towards the door.

"What's it for?" asked Bruce Banner, a seemingly harmless question. "And we still don't know why you're here. Not really."

"... What's it for? WHAT'S IT FOR! Do any of you EVER read the headings of papers, or do you just start signing them!? I thought that when you were a scientist, it implied that you could at LEAST follow basic orders and procedures, like "Read" and "Mechanically fill out all information on the stupid, unending forms,". If you don't fill out the f****** death license, otherwise known as "the bloody huge stack of pyro-defying - seriously, they won't burn! I've tried! - papers", it causes backlogs in the system when you croak, kick the bucket, pass away, etc.! And unlike most people, who die once or twice, you all are almost tied on the scoreboard with me! Seriously, Captain Icecube over here's up to 158 deaths - right now, my counter is up to 236! And do you know what backlogs in the system cause? _More _and _more_ bloody backlogs until there's a bloody crash in the outdated, world wide system! Then where do all the cases go to be finished?" She took a shallow breath here, getting slightly hysterical." TO THE LACKEYS. THE ONLY BLOODY LACKEY OUT THERE IN THE WHOLE WIDE SCREWED OVER WORLD, ME!"

"The lackey for who?"

"Dear lord, IT'S IN THE BLOODY NAME OF THE LICENSE. DEATH! THE ONE WITH A BLOODY SCYTHE AND CLOAK AND ALL. I'M HERE BECAUSE MY BLOODY BOSS MADE ME. BECAUSE YOU ALL CAUSED THIS BY NOT FILLING THEM OUT THE FIRST (or 158th) TIME THROUGH, YOU WILL DO THEM ALL. BY HAND. WITHOUT ANY BREAKS. **_IMMEDIATELY._**

"Now, if you will excuse me, I have a vacation to complete without any nuisances or interruptions. And if you guys leave these here without completing them, I will track you down and make you regret it." And with that last statement, Harry Potter, the *Lackey* of Death, walked out the door, leaving a stunned and shocked team in her wake.

"Ah, so that is the new assistant Hel was talking about!" Thor stated loudly, being the first to snap out of the daze. "I suggest we do as the Lady says. Last time someone received her temper, it was a most unbefitting sight for a Lady's, or even Lord's, eyes!"

That thought made everyone pause and pale. If he thought a _man_ couldn't take it, well, the universe might as well create flying pigs. With ashen faces, they slowly turned to the miles of paper, gulped, and grabbed a small bundle of pens.

The only way the day could get worse was if Loki somehow escaped.

Fury [predictably] burst through the door. "Avengers, assemble! The prisoner has somehow escaped and has gone after a new source of power, something called the Deathly Hollows!"

The team just stared blankly as Agent Romanoff asked Thor the question that was on everyones' mind.

"Are those-"

"Yes."

"And does she-"

"Yes."

"Ah. I pity the god."

A mile outside the city, if you were around, sounds of cackling laughter could be heard, along with various explosions and crashes.

Two days later, on the Helicarrier, a large golden birdcage stood on view for all. Inside, a green man with a beak and pink polka dotted wings could be seen, along with a sign stating, "Defective Loki- DO NOT FEED. Highly irksome, Soon to be reacquainted with its natural habitat, Asgard."

The Avengers were relieved they had finished the forms without any hitches.


End file.
